Emotional Panic

Do I love him because he controls me or do I let him control me because I love him?

I am happy to be dragged around by my lips, but to be yanked around by the heart is terrifying.

Am I having a crisis of faith or a lonely panic or is this natural? When you forget what it feels like to feel strongly for someone the fear kicks in.

Shall I take a few crumbs of me back? Or shall I let him eat cake?