The Older Dom - Feelings

When I reach my space I am almost completely subservient to him and my urges.

He has pushed me harder than those before him.

The intensity is vast and full and wet. Pleasure feels like heaven and denial hurts like hell.

The pain makes me want to run as adrenaline swarms into suffering. All the loathing I could have ever felt for myself is bled out here. Dry spit, and fear rest limp in my throat. I cover my ears to stop the ringing.

I close my eyes and think of his soft sharp voice mocking me and indulging us both.

In the darkness, it feels like life, like God and dying. With my face in the deep, my hands to the floor, the earth begins to turn.

I tremble. There is frailty. Power and abuse charms my compliance, I curl my body to his will and take the stick. The skin splits, and here I am simultaneously wounded and healed

Sweetly suffering does strange things to the brain sometimes.

You forget all you want to remember and you remember what you want to forget.

A complete feeling of exacerbation hit me later as I hid in his arms. a futile dislike for my grim actions. The flick of a moral or social silver tongue? Maybe just some plain release.

I try to be as good as I can be, though I have not been pushed this hard before. You drag me to market, like a stubborn sow, noose round the neck, ring in the nose. Sometimes I walk, sometimes I drag my feet but I promise I am trying. I will get better, I will get there.