I said "Is it good news or bad news?"
He said that it was bad.
We talked but I said I couldn't have this conversation on the phone.
"I'll see you tomorrow".
He says he cannot see me anymore because his feelings for me are too intense. Its not love but it means a lot. I said he meant some to me too. He talked at length about all the fear and sadness burning up inside him. I don't know what it is to not take risks and I said "Life can't be lived if you don't try living".
But he is too scared. He is so scared. He sat and cried. He made me cry. I said I didn't want it to end. He said I was only thinking of myself and the rage struck me. If I was only thinking of myself I would have split you in half today talked you into the dark and made you feel like shit. I've been good and I've listened and tried and accepted. He started to cry again and told me he was sorry.
I opened myself up to him, I thought about throwing away five long years for him. I'm so glad my guilt held me back from hurting the boy. I've been spat out.
I asked him to kiss me. "I want to remember how it feels before you go". We kissed and I breathed in his smell and I like him so much.
I said "Please. I understand this is it. I wont phone or text you and you wont text or phone me but don't delete me, and in a few months or years down the line, when you sort your head out, give me a text and if I'm not doing anyone better, then I'll do you". He smiled and laughed.
Im about the best thing that could have happened to you.
He picked up his things and left, we hugged at the door and kissed again.
"Take care of yourself"
I smiled. I wont.